"A New Year's Resolution"

That time of year is here again...the time when we all take an inner look inside...and see what we can purge from our lives in order to be a better person. I think that I have about 30 lbs. to lose...but then again...who doesn't! LOL! I think back on this past year...and I wonder what I could of done differently...maybe even better. In the past three years...we have gone through a foreclosure...lost our house (not our home...that is still very much in tact...home is not a place...but where our hearts lie) we have almost lost a daughter...to terrible circumstances...and this past October...or company carpet cleaning van caught fire and burnt to the ground. In each circumstance...I felt overwhelming pain and sorrow...and yet...in each circumstance...we have been tremendously blessed too! When I look back on the year and a half that we fought to pay two house payments ($2200 for our mortgage...and $940 for the house that we rent) I remember thinking that it couldn't get any worse. The stress and toll that it took on our family to be so financially tight...and to go further into debt...just to pay for the basics like food and gas for our vehicles...not to mention never having food in our cupboards! I felt like a lead weight had been placed upon my heart...and that it would never be lifted! Then when we did everything within our power to try to short sale the house...and after all of our efforts...the bank took it back anyway...I felt like life was cruel! When I look back now though...I can see the wisdom that we gained...and the trust in the Lord to take care of our temporal needs...I wouldn't trade that blessing for anything! Then...Cosette fell over the wall...and you know the rest of the story. Although she was miraculously healed...it took several months for her to be herself again...and not to mention the strained relationship that we have had with our neighbors who own the dog. Yet...this very night at Midnight...I was standing outside with the very same neighbors who greeted me with love and complete acceptance...and I held my sweet daughter in my arms...completely whole and perfect...and she told them Happy New Year! I don't know a greater blessing then that one! Finally, when David first called to tell me that our carpet van had burnt to the ground...I cried from that moment...until three days later. I thought all was lost...the van that was supposed to help provide...not just one...but two families a living...was gone. Plus, to make matters worse...we owed $20,000 on it...and had no way to pay it back. We did not originally think that we would be insured to replace it...or at the very least pay off our debt. However, the Lord took a tragedy and turned it into a miracle...the insurance company paid everything off...and we found someone to contract all of our carpets out too...and all within a week of having the van burn down. If I have learned anything from all of these experiences...it has been that we do not know the will of the Lord...and we do not know why he does what he does in our lives. The only thing that we can be sure of...is his infinite love...and his desire to walk through the shadows of life by our side...if we will allow him too! I look at my life this New Year's Day...and in many respects...I am not satisfied with who I have become. I fail so often as a mother...it isn't even funny. I feel like any talents that I do have...I never get a chance to use them to bless other's lives. I am hopelessly flawed...but flawed or not...I know that I am not alone! I know that the precious Lord walks by my side every minute of every day! I know that he loves and accepts me...for all of my strengths and for all of my weaknesses! Thoughout every trial in my life...he has been there...giving me stength...his stength...and giving me courage to face whatever may come! He gives me a peace...that surpasses all explanation and all understanding! It fills my soul...and gives me the hope that I need to go on. I am so thankful for my Savior and his perfect love...I may not be much...but I am everything to him...and that is enough. The rest will all work itself out! So come what may "2009" - I will continue to walk with him...and when he knocks at the door of my heart...I will let him in! ~Christina