"Five Years Have Come and Gone..."

"Robert Shirrel Sellers ~ Sept. 24, 1937 - Oct. 6, 2004"


Five years have come and gone since my dad suffered a massive stroke and died...I can't believe it has been that long. It seems like two parallel universes...one where my dad was alive and with us...and one where his is not! It is like living in two different movies...I don't know any way else how to explain it! I remember the last time that I talked to him...he was at Kinkos and he called me to tell me that he was being taken to the hospital because he was experiencing chest pains. He asked me if I could get a hold of my mom and let her know...because he couldn't reach her. Earlier that morning...he was in an extra good mood...he took the time to smile and joke with the crossing guard...and he wasn't grumpy...like he normally was. It was as if his spirit knew that it would be his last hours on earth...and it wanted to savor every last minute. My mom made it to the hospital...and he seemed ok...except for some slurred speach and balance problems...even an average jo blow could figure out that he was possibly experiencing a stroke...but for some reason the hospital only x-rayed his chest and hot his head. My mom left him for a short while to come home and change...and by the time she came back to the hospital...he had stopped breathing and was put onto life support. The last thing that he said to my mom was, "Hurry up and come back...so we can watch the presidential debate together" - then he was gone. They put him into ICU and kept him on life support...and told us that he needed to be transferred to St. Joseph's hospital...even then we all thought that he would pull through...and that everything would be okay! Around 1:00 am in the morning, my mom, myself (and cosette), Tricia, and Jason went to St. Joseph's to wait for an update on his condition. We waited in the lobby and we were in really good spirits...we laughed and joked about all of the times that my dad had checked himself into a hospital because he thought something was wrong...only to find out that he was a hypochondriac. We honestly didn't realize how bad off he really was! Jason went to the snack machine to get me some crackers, and in the time that he was gone...the Dr. came out to let us know where we stood. He was quite rude and blurted out that my Dad was basicly brain dead and had zero chance of recovery...he told us that my dad had a massive stroke and had bled throughout his brain...then he left...just like that. There was NO compassion or comfort offered by this man...who called himself a doctor! Jason arrived back from his errand to see all of us weeping and distraught...his smile from earlier faded into confusion and then realization...it stunned all of us! They kept my dad on life support until all of my brothers and sisters could make it to the hospital to say goodbye. I said my goodbye the next morning...I didn't want to watch him die...I wanted to remember him alive! I told him in his ear that I loved him...and that while he and I didn't always see eye to eye...I was grateful that he had been my earthly father! I told him to hang in there...and keep fighting through his issues...so we could once more be reunited as a family...to live together forever! Jonathan was 8 years old at the time...and he was so sweet! When David told the kids to get ready...so that they could say goodbye to their Grandpa...Jonathan went and got on the suit that we had bought him for his baptism. He wanted to look his very best to say goodbye to his Grandpa...David said that when he saw Jonathan get dressed up...it touched him...and he decided to dress a little better too! That night everyone within my immediate family gathered around my dad...and the nurses slowly removed his life support. They each told him goodbye...and waited until his spirit crossed over into his eternal reward. I do not regret my decision to stay away...I have much better memories of him alive...instead of dead! I went to my voice class...and sang "Oh Shanendoah" - I couldn't even make it through the whole song...I cracked when I got to the part "I long to see you...away you rolling river"! To this day whenever I hear that song...I think of my Dad...and his passing. I'm so grateful for my earthly father...and every day...I still hold a prayer in my heart...that my dad is up there watching over us...and working through whatever needs be...so that he will be able to be with us for eternity! I have faith in him...and I know that I will see him again someday! Time goes by so quickly...five years have come and gone...and I'm amazed at how different life is without my father! I'm grateful for temple marriage...and look forward to the day that I can run into his arms once more...and let him know how much he meant too me! Never forget to tell your loved ones how much you love them...never take the chance that you might not get to see them again in this life...life is too short and too quick to change...to ever take a chance like that! May whoever reads this rejoice in their family...whether ther are close to them or not...in the end...all we have is our family and close friends...so never take them for granted! ~ Christina